I recently had the privilege of conducting a personal leadership workshop for a group of high school students, identified for their leadership potential. The lesson was based on several teaching modalities and combining learning with the arts. It was a fabulous experience and I hope to be able to do more such workshops with the leaders of tomorrow.

In the workshop, we discussed the value of cultivating character and making good choices. I referenced three ‘props’ to assist in making the appropriate points. I used a mirror, a mug, and a map. The mirror served the purpose of reinforcing the importance of self-reflection when cultivating character. The time to consider who we are and what we want is vital to developing our personal leadership. The mug reinforced the notion that those we choose to associate with can greatly impact our personal leadership. If they are positive, we tend to be more positive. If they are negative and critical, we tend to assimilate that attitude. If our friends and associates are highly motivated and goal oriented, our behaviour tends to follow. Relationships are key to personal leadership and choosing those relationships carefully influences our personal leadership potential. Finally, I used the map to illustrate the value of knowing where you want to go. To make this experience real for the students, I had them create life maps. On them, they indicated some major life points that had shaped them. Sometimes the best learning tools are discovered by accident and that happened in this case. I wanted to use my own life map as an example, but I wasn’t comfortable sharing some of my less flattering experiences with this group and so I used dark ‘dots’ to represent those dark times in my life. They loved the concept. It became a safe way for them to share some of their negative experiences. It also provided some perspective that our ‘dark moments’ don’t define us. The discussion and the life map exercise provided a wonderful opportunity for these students to explore their definitions of leadership as well as understanding the importance of character and choice.

When considering your own personal leadership, have you done the work these students did? Do you understand the role character plays in cultivating your leadership potential? Do you recognize the power of choice when growing your leadership skills?

I first heard of Lynesa when she was a guest on the Chris Treece blog radio show. I was fascinated by what she had to say – and how she said it. I followed up with her and spoke to Chris. Since then, I have accepted the opportunity to write a monthly business column and have been interviewed by Chris about my book, The Pitch. 

Last night I was on a call with Lynesa, Chris, other contributing columnists and guests, as Lynesa gave us a virtual tour of the training portal. Two things jumped off the screen at me. The first, is the Journey to MAHood program that assists women in defining their WHY (life’s passion). Isn’t that the very question that I have been struggling with for months? Lynesa has begun to work with me to define my WHY and I have to say that the first two steps have been very exciting for me. The other program that spoke to me is the Wealth eNSURANCE. When a person becomes a monthly member of the site, she has access to the generational wealth building software that, based on real monthly income, sets a budget that includes debt elimination and the opportunity to save. What a gift for individuals looking for an almost flat learning curve about finances.

The concept behind the portal and the monthly articles is to take women to the next level of their personal development. Each article includes valuable information and then a 30 day challenge. I love it. I am currently working on my challenges in the areas of finances and health (fitness). I will be embracing the other challenges too, but I focused on the two most strategic for my situation to start.

The fascinating thing about this journey that I am on is that it is having a ripple effect on my family. Because my focus is clearer and more intentional, I am clearer and more focused. They have noticed that I am better able to manage the many demands that I have on my time and that I am remaining more pleasant

If you want to know more about this organization, visit the website: http://www.emahs.com/ll1053.

If you want to join me on this journey of turning your aspirations into accomplishments, just let me know and I can show you how.

When I start to write, I usually start where I would in my coaching practice. I establish personality type. With Liz, she is an ISFP (to use the Myers-Briggs, Kiersey Sorter lettering). That means that Liz is self-reflective and tends to re-energize alone or in small groups. She relies on what her senses tell her when she is gathering information from the world and determining its validity. Liz tends to make decisions based on their impact on people, rather than the impact on policies. And finally, Liz really sees the world in shades of grey. She isn’t so good with structure and deadlines. Each of these elements of her personality shows up in her business and her life. I am not saying that this description is enough for anyone to assess their own personality; it is merely my analysis of Liz’s personality as it relates to my writing. Characters have to have the same reference points as all others so they, and their experiences, are relevant.

After establishing personality, I have to know who and what matters to Liz. Knowing this, serves as the anchor point for her choices. When she doesn’t understand why she is making the decisions she is, it doesn’t really matter what they are. She is untethered. I find many of my coaching clients are in similar situations. When they do not know what drives them; then anything will or nothing will. By determining values and needs, I am able to create a character that is believable and one whose challenges resonates with the reader.

I believe that people always have choices. We may not always like them, but there are options. We may choose to engage or we may choose to escape. Both are choices. Whether a character in a book, or a real person, our choices define us. It is important to know what personality tendencies we have and how they influence our everyday functioning. It is equally important to know what and who drives us; shapes our priorities and compels us to act. What choices are you making that are ‘in character’ and which decisions are ‘out of character?’ Notice that when you are acting ‘out of character’ there will be increased stress and conflict in your life because character and choice are linked. 

When I started the drama ministry at my church, he was the only person who came to the first meeting. He said he didn’t really want to act, but he wanted to know what was going on and to support the program. When my husband and I got married, he was there. When I was cast as Miss Prism in the Importance of Being Earnest, he was there. When I opened my one woman show at the Windsor International Fringe Festival, he was there. I knew he probably didn’t feel well enough to be there, but he was there; showing his support – once again.

I acknowlege that we didn’t know him as long or as well as many of his other friends. What I do know is that we were honoured to call him our friend.

November is National Tell Your Story Month. Often, the writing exercise is given to write your obituary or eulogy to gain an understanding of the life you have lived until that moment. It gives us all an opportunity, and excuse, to reflect on our lives and determine what type of story it would tell.

My friend will have lots of people telling stories about him at his home going this week. There will be shared memories, tears, laughter, and the reminder that we will all have a day like that one. There will be a day for our stories. What will they say about us?

Endurance depends on many factors, such as focus, the technical abilities to perform the work assigned or goal being pursued; the ability to use physiological and psychological resources wisely; accept both instruction and correction; to commit with your entire being to the completion of the task; and to not waste time, energy, and talent on meaningless activities.

Another key to developing endurance is to collect bits of hope from family and friends, mental health professionals, and spiritual advisors. Hope is the key ingredient that fuels determination. Let others encourage and support you in your goals. Talk to them frequently when you are feeling overwhelmed or discouraged. Endurance may be a matter of sticking with something until you reach the finish line, but no one gets to the finish line alone.

“I Quit”

Here are my keys, my credit cards, my driver’s licence, and my cell phone. You can have them all. I quit. I just can’t do it anymore. I spend all day listening to customers complain about everything from the temperature to the state of the economy. I smile and pretend it doesn’t bother me; but it does. It pulls me down and I can’t fake it anymore.

I get home and I am expected to shift gears without any transition. I am supposed to pick up after everyone, cook their meals, clean the house, and run interference when they squabble. This is not my idea of ‘coming home’. I want my home to be a place of peace and tranquility; a place to retreat to at the end of the day to get replenished for the next day. The only time I get that is when no one is there or I’m out of town on business. It’s just not right.

No one warned me about what a marathon life is. A marathon that must be run at a sprinter’s pace. It can’t be done. I’m tired of being a grown-up under these conditions.  I want to go back to the days when candy was the common currency. Back to a time when I looked to the sky to see what shapes the clouds were forming; rather than waiting for an impending downpour. A time when a trip to the park meant swings; not a shortcut to the next appointment.

It feels like I’m wasting my time on the wrong things. I’m focusing on activities instead of on the things that really matter to me. I want to find that place where I am prepared to put my whole heart into everything I do. I remember a time when that was true of me. I knew what to do and I did it. I want those days back. I want to be able to draw on my inner core to sustain me; to be able to withstand whatever came at me; convinced that what I was doing was important and that I was on purpose. I want that back so badly.

What has changed and what do I have to do to get it back? I remember that I used to spend more time with God and with my friends. I used to spend time on thinking about what I was doing and what I wanted to do. There was a time when there was time to consider my life. I want that time back. Starting today. Maybe I don’t have to quit after all. Give me my stuff back. I’m gonna slap that number on my back and get back in the marathon.

I considered the conflict that had been created as a result of my thoughts being in direct opposition to my values. I then immediately sought out the source of that stress. It was outside of myself. It was someone else.

Now, what is interesting, is that upon deeper reflection, and conversation with the individual who I thought was the source of my ‘issue’ I came to realize that my stress was internal.

I was struggling to come to terms with some things about myself. Interesting isn’t it that we tend to lash out at others or our environment rather than take responsibility for our circumstances.

I acknowledged that my recent stage experience has brought some deeper questions out. I must reexamine who and what matters most to me. The comment was made to me recently, “I am who I am and I am always honest about that.” I’m not so sure I am or can be.

If you are struggling with being able to face yourself; I understand what you are going through. It is easy to lash out, rather than really see the reflection. It isn’t an easy process. I’m in the middle of it, too, but it will be worth it. I know that. And I am grateful that I had someone in my life, courageous enough to help me see myself more clearly.

If I can continue to write and perform work that touches people and helps them to grow, then I have found meaningful work. I just wanted you to know.

When the house lights came up afterward, I saw a friend approaching with roses. Now, you have to understand I hadn’t seen this person in a few years. She walked right up to me, hugged me, and told me how proud she was of what I had. She reminded me that we had discussed my wanting to do a one woman show, many years before, while sitting on her sofa and discussing what direction we wanted our lives to take. It was a journey that had taken some time to unfold, but unfold it had.

After an emotional chat with her another individual came up to me who thanked me because years ago I had helped her to make the choice that is embedded in the play.

What I want to share is that you never know how powerful your dreams are or when they are ready to burst forth. You also never know what the world will have missed if you let go of your dreams.

In September, I am going to be part of an amazing event that is taking place in three Ontario cities: Windsor, St. Catherine’s, and Toronto. Darren Jacklin is coming and he specializes in making people’s dreams come true. I can hardly wait. Dreams are so powerful. Do you have one that you have almost given up on? Dreams and action lead to reality. Don’t give up now.

Actually, that is not entirely true. I have been writing and performing for as long as I can remember; but fear stopped me from really pursuing it.

I let self-doubt rule my life and I did the safe thing. I got my degree and got a ‘real’ day job.

But I have always been drawn to performance. It has been a bit of a love-hate relationship for a long time. That should have been a clue for me. I walked off the stage 20 years ago, and with the exception of some self-written pieces, I never went back to a full scale production. Until recently.

I was asked to fill in as a re-cast. I was petrified, but I wanted to help a friend who was also in the cast. The founder of the Fringe Festival saw one of the shows and asked if I would consider doing something for the Fringe.

The short version is that I wrote “Cracked” with the intention of sharing a powerful message with people that there is always hope. No matter what happens to us, we can be resilient. It isn’t an easy victory, but it is possible.

And sometimes that victory is the re-claiming of a dream.

I have been my stylist’s client for a while and she has been mine. We talk about many things, but when I’m in her chair, she is my ‘coach’. I listen to her and heed her council. Today, however, our conversation made me uncomfortable. It was my turn to wiggle a little.

I have heard myself tell people in seminars how we teach others to treat us. Well I had that returned to me today as I was sharing a recent dilemma. I was reminded that situations do not appear over night and that people don’t act a certain way without permission – even if that permission is granted by omission.

It is timely, as I have been contemplating my life lately and how I got to where I am and if it is where I should be. Ironic, too, that I determined that my relationships are one of my core values. It would appear that I still have some work to do. I guess I am still a relationship work in progress.

I am grateful that my stylist cares enough about me to speak the truth; especially truth that I would prefer to ignore.

Oh and by the way – my hair looks great!